REJUVENATED AND YET STILLED

As a result of where my life has led me in these past 7 months or so, lately, I have felt even more so like a caged bird who's ready to soar outside of the confines of her relatively self-built bars. I am thrilled at the reality that I will undoubtedly be going to graduate school somewhere along the Eastern seaboard this fall (although the final 'where' is yet to be decided upon and the finances still need finagling), but I can't help but grow a bit impatient in knowing that I am still months away from that step forward in life taking place. Yes, these 7 months have provided a time of refinement and growth, as well as a new life direction and various opportunities/experiences that came about that I otherwise would not have encountered, but they have also led me to feel as though my life at current is on hold and that it is quite nondescript. In spite of some larger-scale changes (i.e. actually being employed now, hallelujah!) I kind of liken myself to a caterpillar who hides in their cocoon until they can emerge as a stunning butterfly in that I actually find myself wanting to shelter the reality of my life from others until I feel as though it is something that I am proud of, until I'm doing something a bit closer to grand than what I'm doing (and have been doing) now. Over the course of these months, my heart has constantly been stirred with this desire to be somewhere/doing something more grandiose, stemming from a mixture of indignity, ambition, envy, and hope, to the point that now that I'm on the cusp of heading in that direction the idea of waiting any longer makes my heart want to leap out of my chest. I'm being forced to re-learn this idea of patience that I once thought I wasn't so bad at. Increasingly, I've become aware that in the midst of my longings for my future and dealing with its alter-ego, the less-exciting current reality, I really haven't taken the time to focus on other aspects of my life, most notably, my walk with God. To rectify that situation, today I stole away to a place that provided that refuge and breath of life that I was so desperately in need of. I found myself enveloped not only in the beauty of God's creation but also in His peace. It's an amazing thing how such an escape can both bring one to life again and at the same time also subdue certain thoughts and feelings, on both accounts, it was exactly what I needed. I walked away from my brief sojourn knowing that I am blessed to live the life that I do (yes, even in its current state) and trusting that even though I might not be where I intended to be at this point in my life I am where God intended me to be and His plan/timing is ultimately better than my own. I now see these next few months that lie ahead in a different light and I do believe that I will be able to maintain some semblance of patience until I get to take that next step in my life, all while being able to revel in the here and now and the experiences that my current reality presents to me.

A LITERAL 'LOOK' AT THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS

A trip to the Bahamas with cousin Jane

plus my brother's wedding in Oregon

equals a fabulous few weeks

BAHAMA MAMA

Life is definitely interesting. In the most recent news of my life: I've received word that I've been accepted into one of the graduate schools that I applied to (still waiting on the other three); I currently am temp-ing as a receptionist for a health and rehabilitation center (despite not having much of any office, much less receptionist, experience I've started to get the hang of it and am enjoying interacting with the resident 'regulars' who frequent my desk); and as of today, I'll be taking off for the Bahamas in two weeks! I believe that a get-away is exactly what the doctor ordered given where I'm at in life right now, especially as things are finally starting to move again. As usual, I still may not be entirely certain of what the future holds, but what I'm seeing right now is looking good to me.

SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY

Words are potent, this much is true, and has been true since the beginning of time. So how often do we take the time to think about the things we say and the way in which they are said? I'm not only talking about making sure that we don't say negative things to/about others (although that's not a bad thing to keep in check), but what about putting thought into the very words and statements that we speak towards people so that what we say is intentional as opposed to a relative knee-jerk response to the conversation. I, for one, feel that when I speak less I am actually saying more, as opposed to when I am speaking more but really saying less; in other words, I think that when I take the time to thoughtfully construct what I'm going to say it oftens leads to being more succinct but packing a greater punch than if I were to rattle off what came to mind first. . .and kept rattling until I thought that I finally made my point. Communication as a whole is definitely tricky, but at the same time, it is such an elemental aspect of life that it is worth the extra time and effort to try and improve on it. One Bible verse which is relevant to words and communication that has always stuck out to me is Ephesians 4:29, stating "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." While most people are usually familiar with the first part of that verse (which is in fact important), it is the second part that set off a flare in my mind: "but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." How profound is that?! Not only should my words be kind, and/or uplifting, but they should be in the best interest of that specific person. It's so easy to give someone a stock response or to tell them something based off of your own opinion, I know that I'm guilty of those instances many times over, but what about taking that person, in all of their uniqueness, into consideration and saying words to them that are actually going to be helpful and beneficial due to taking the time to think through what it is that they really need to hear, to say what you really need to say. Now that would be amazing.

FAITH UNCHALLENGED IS STIFLED FAITH

I apologize for not going into detail about all that is going on in my life at the moment, or truthfully, all that is not going on in my life right now, but I figured that it's actually for your benefit that I don't (you're welcome, in advance). However, due to the constant ups and downs that I have been experiencing in the past few months (and especially having them come to a head within the last week or so), I did feel compelled to give at least a little depiction of my current state of mind. I'm sure many of you have experienced this to some degree as well, so as much as my intent here is to give insight into where I'm at right now, it is also my hope to give encouragement for those of you who have been, are currently, or will be someday, in a place similar to where I'm finding myself these days. No, these following words are not my own, but I believe that they give better voice to my own thoughts and feelings at present than I myself would be able to, as well as providing me with a better perspective of where I'm at and where that might lead to.

"Faith untried may be true faith, but it is sure to be little faith, and it is likely to remain dwarfish so long as it is without trials. Faith never prospers so well as when all things are against her: tempests are her trainers, and lightnings are her illuminators. When a calm reigns on the sea, spread the sails as you will, the ship moves not to its harbour; for on a slumbering ocean the keel sleeps too. Let the winds rush howling forth, and let the waters lift up themselves, then, though the vessel may rock, and her deck may be washed with waves, and her mast may creak under the pressure of the full and swelling sail, it is then that she makes headway towards her desired haven. No flowers were so lovely a blue as those which grow at the foot of the frozen glacier;

no stars gleam so brightly as those which glisten in the polar sky;

no water tastes so sweet as that which springs amid the desert sand;

and no faith is so precious as that which lives and triumphs in adversity;

Tried faith brings experience. You could not have believed your own weakness had you not been compelled to pass through the rivers; and you would never have known God's strength had you not been supported amid the water-floods. Faith increases in solidity, assurance, and intensity, the more it is exercised with tribulation. Faith is precious, and its trial is precious too."

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." ~ Isaiah 43:1-2

GOODBYE 2007, HELLO 2008

I wrote this last spring as my final year of undergrad. was drawing to a close, seeing as this year as a whole is going to come to an end in a few short hours, I thought that it was more than fitting to share these musings since they're even more pertinent at this time of year:

Each day a gift,
Each moment a blessing,
Where to go from here,
What to do with them,
So much can be done and seen,
What will have happened between now and next year,
Between then and the years to come,
Lives to be written,
Memories to be made,
What stories will be able to be told this time next year,
What opportunities will be presented,
What chances taken,
Excitement lies in the unknown that will be made known,
What a gift,
What a blessing,
That which lies ahead, in the year to come, and in the years to come.

Happy New Year everyone! May it be filled with wonder, growth, love, risks, numerous experiences, and a plethora of memories! Here we come 2008.