WHERE'S THE FAST FORWARD BUTTON?

It's probably not the best thing, but I've found that when things start piling up in life I catch myself wishing that I could just fast forward and be at some other point in life. I'm not going to lie, I'm stuck in the midway-through-school doldrums and am not only struggling to stay motivated but am constantly daydreaming of/trying to figure out my future instead. The main things that my thoughts keep drifting towards and that I'm looking forward to in the hopefully not too distant future include:

- working eight hours a day and then having the freedom to spend the rest of the day doing whatever I want instead of having to worry about projects, papers, or any other schoolwork in my "free-time"
- not having to watch every single cent I spend
- having a career versus just a job
- gaining a new furry buddy (a.k.a. a dog)
- having time on my hands to pursue interests and hobbies that have gone by the wayside, or that have been patiently waiting for me to even try them out in the first place
- reclaiming my weekends
- being able to focus more on people and relationships instead of having my brain/time clogged with other things
- upgrading Vince for an SUV? (that's probably a good deal down the road, especially considering that the gas prices are on the rise again -- but a thought none the less)
- finally, truly being done with school forever (but not done with learning of course)

I can't wait. . .but at the same time, I suppose that I have to. In the meantime, it's back to the books for me.

I HEAR VOICES

Most of my day is spent with sixteen preschoolers. They are your quintessential young children: energetic, clingy, quirky, hysterical, and constantly talking. I've grown accustomed to hearing variations of my name called over and over again throughout the day and probably don't go 30 seconds (except for when they're napping) without at least one of them having something to say to me. I'm so used to hearing their little voices persistently for hours on end that it's gotten to the point that I can't seem to escape it even when I'm at home now. Whether I'm cooking up dinner, working on schoolwork, or even trying to fall asleep, I constantly am hearing their voices in my mind. Sometimes I hear a specific thing that one of them said that day, other times it's someone's trademark sayings (i.e. "I sorry," "That funny," "I tell you something?" [which, by the way, is never really a question -- she's going to tell you regardless], etc.), and at other times it's simply their distinct voice itself that I hear (at which point I try and decipher who's voice was just in my head). Needless to say, I really hope that this is just a passing craze and that it's not really leading to a crazy state of hearing voices all the time. . .although, I do have to admit, if you're going to hear voices, these are pretty cute ones to hear.

COUNTDOWN TO V-DAY

Keeping it going with the topic of love, Valentine's Day is coming up shortly and whether you love it, hate it, or are indifferent towards it, for the next few couple of weeks make it a point to visit this gem from Dave Barnes. Good stuff.

FALLING OUT OF LOVE

I'm sure you've experienced it before -- the decline of the passion and joy that you once felt, trying to hang on to something that was once so good, but realizing that steadily, yet slowly, things have changed. Within my own life, I've begun to come to terms with the fact that over the past few months I have in fact been falling out of love. . .with Grey's Anatomy that is. Where I once counted down the days to the next episode, making sure that my schedule was clear whenever it would be airing, I now find myself turning it on lackadaisically out of a sense of obligation. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I more so go through the motions, laughing at the funny moments, crying at the sad ones, and then turning it off when it's done and not thinking about it again until Thursday at 9 pm the following week, and thinking 'oh yeah, Grey's is on now, I suppose I'll watch it.' What happened to my fervor? And why does it sadden me to a certain degree that something that I used to look forward to is now more of an afterthought? Even though I have not had the luxury(?) of falling out of love with a person before, perhaps this is a wee bit like that. And as it might be with being in love with a person, I find myself coming back to Grey's week-in and week-out out of commitment, and the hope that someday, maybe, just maybe, the passion and excitement might return. Only time will tell.

LIFE AS OF LATE

I've been back to the grindstone of work for the past few days already and now the schooling/schoolwork is about to start back up. In the midst of all the stuff starting, continuing, and getting figured out, I've also been reliving the memories and joy of the previous couple of weeks: having been relatively stress-free and activity-free, getting to play in snow, and, most importantly, enjoying my lovely family and friends. What they say is true, home truly is where the heart is. Here's a snippet of what I'm talking about:

NEW YORK. . .OH WAIT, NEWARK

My journey home has me stopped over in Newark, N.J. The driver who took me to the airport this morning told me that this is one of the worst airports to be in for a long period of time, I have yet to see that validated though. I have, however, been awarded the privilege of hearing some genuine Jersey accents, gotta love it. My only letdown thus far was not being able to see New York City in the distance as we descended. There's still the flight out of here though so I'm holding on to that glimmer of hope. In the meantime I've resorted to one of my favorite pastimes, people-watching. It never ceases to amaze me how many people are in this world, how different and diverse we all are, and how we each have our own individual lives and stories and loved ones, etc. It's somewhat crazy to me that all of us live on this planet together but more or less have individualized worlds that we exist in. Yes, we have shared resources, and governments, and faiths, and what have you, but the majority of the people on earth have no idea that I even exist, or know my friends and family and the things that are important to us, what we do, where we've been, etc. In all senses, I, and most of us, do truly live in our own little world. As I look around me at all the people in this airport I can't help but imagine what their own little world is like, who they know, where they're flying to, what they love, everything that makes up their life for them. I would venture to say that I'll most likely never know the answers to any of those questions for the majority of the people I see, and the majority of the people in the world, but it certainly won't stop me from wondering. And, if anything, maybe it'll prompt me to start conversations with random strangers more often.

**Update: I did get a good glimpse or two of the New York City skyline as my plane was taking off -- no letdowns really then. Also, I was quite lucky/blessed to make it home with practically no hitches, I've seen and heard of atrocious airport and flight issues going on and don't know how I squeaked by without really encountering any.**