OUT WITH THE OLD

After having been back in Washington for the past week and having a head full of thoughts I’ve been finding it a little difficult to go to bed at a decent hour. So instead of drifting off to dreamland, last night I found myself cleaning out my closet at one in the morning. In comparison to others I don’t really possess a large quantity of clothing items so in reality I probably shouldn’t be getting rid of what I do have but for some reason I’ve always been a person who loves to downsize and get rid of things, it’s weird. Being mindful of the fact that regardless of where I’m going next I do know that I will not be staying in my current abode a month from now, I figured that starting to consolidate what I own would be helpful in moving from one place to another, not to mention, it would give me an opportunity to give into my “cleaning out” compulsion. What I wasn't expecting though was that my compulsion would be met with a wave of nostalgia and the appearance of my indecisiveness. How was it that all of a sudden clothes that I hadn't worn in over a year or ones that were relics from the high school years were being reconsidered before being tossed into the Goodwill pile? Would I really ever wear them in public again, much less, at all? My thought process went something like this:

- Oh yes, the shirt from Stinky Sneaker [a high-school basketball game spirit competition] my sophomore year, I love the images on that one.
- But ew, red doesn't look the best on me. And let's face it, I'll probably only wear it to work out in, which I tend to get a very red face when I work out, and red on red. . . hmm.
- But, how could I get rid of it after having it for all of these years?

- Oh my gosh, I totally forgot I even had this shirt. It's gotta go.
- But wait, let me just try it on first.
- Actually, it's not bad, and I could wear it under that cardigan or it would look good with those pants. . .

Needless to say, something that should've taken probably an hour max. kept me up until almost four in the morning. Which begs the question, why is it so hard to get rid of/let go of certain things? Do we desire to hold on to the items that link us to our past just so that we can imagine ourselves in that time once again? Or do we needlessly justify the worth of something just to keep it around 'just in case' even though we know that we really don't need it? (And yes, I'm no longer simply referring to clothes here. ) Do we find too much of ourselves in other things, other people, that we struggle with giving them up at the right time, instead of clinging to what it is that we really need? While I may have had to reconsider some of the choices that I made in regards to my 'keepers' and 'tossers' with my clothes, I eventually forced myself to part with more clothing items than I had initially placed in the discard pile, coming to terms with the fact that I didn't really 'need' many of those items that I tried to justify. In addition to realizing the necessity to let go of unnecessary items in my possession, I've come face to face with the reality that our lives often need to have a good cleaning out every now and again too, letting go of things from the past that we're holding onto that impinge on our moving forward, or getting rid of things that we hideaway or try to justify when it's blatantly obvious that there's not a beneficial need for them in our life, and instead turning our focus to those things that we truly need in our lives in order to be who we're meant to be and to live the lives that we're meant to live. Perhaps that's why I have a "cleaning out" compulsion, it always feels good for my soul to be less burdened by items I no longer need and makes me feel a bit more free. To clean out one's life? Ah, even better for the soul and a whole lot more freedom.